too many things...

have to do:

• finish CTA applications
• submit transcript requests
• get tons of work completed before thursday
• group outing on friday
• hang out with roland on tuesday
• birthday dinner with family on friday
• return shoes to urban footwear
• get nysc to send me my frikkin money
• finish 1/3 of hush-hush by next week

on my mind:

• why the hell am i not sleeping?
• maybe i need a chiropractor
• i need a new ob/gyn
• i need to stop spending money
• but i really want to knit that awesome sweater in the carla along! *sigh*
• i don't think i alotted myself enough spending money this month.
• or i need to put my credit card away
• again
• i hope i pass my cta entrance examination
• i hope i can find an apartment soon
• i hope i can ride that friggin bike my brother is buying me
• i hope i have enough money to buy my ticket for hawaii in december
• i hope this upcoming wedding isn't as stressful as i think it's going to be
• i'm not pms'ing, i'm concerned

i hate when i'm so caught up in the whole picture of everything going on around me i can't breathe and i start freaking out about life. i make myself take a step back to realize that these are all things i can control, but it's my responsibility to make those things happen for me. if i don't, where am it? lethargic, depressed, upset... i can't do this to myself. i have to make things happen. even if it takes me some time to kick myself in the ass. because it's not anyone else's problem or responsibility but my own.

one of the reasons i couldn't sleep last night was because my jaw was clenched so tight and my shoulders were so tensed i felt as if there were steel cables holding my body. that's no way to live. the funniest thing is most of my stresses are external. everyone chill out and stop stressing me out! lol...

time to get stuff done.